My Everything
by kaida-amarante
Summary: A Kames Oneshot. Kendall broke up with his long time boyfriend James and, well, broke him. When it becomes too much, will Kendall be able to fix everything before his friend shatters?


"_I'll always be by your side, no matter what. You need to start believing in others more, James. And you also need to start believing in yourself. You're beautiful and incredible and I can't find any reason to ever leave you. And no, I don't regret getting together with you. In fact, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Why won't you just accept that I love you?"_

Those words keep running through my head, Kendall. Did you know that? That the words you said to me so long ago keep running through my head over and over again. Lies. They're all just lies. You didn't stay by my side; you never loved me, did you? Everything you said to me was a lie, wasn't it? Isn't that why you broke up with me out of nowhere and started dating _her_ the next day? I hate her, Kendall, and you knew that. So why…? I can never forget you. I couldn't ever…forget you…even if the band broke up…even if I moved halfway across the world, I could never forget you…

"James!" It was Logan's voice that snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked up to see him standing over me, his hand on my shoulder and worry covering his face. On the other end of the bright orange couch I noticed Carlos, staring at me and paralyzed with shock, or maybe fear. Whatever was wrong with them, I had no idea. I turned back to face Logan and stared up into his dark brown eyes. "James, why are you crying?"

Crying? No, I couldn't be crying. It wasn't possible. Not in front of Logan and Carlos. They had never seen me cry. "Crying? What are you talking about? I'm not…" I lifted my hand and touched my cheek softly, surprised to feel my fingertips grow damp. I had been crying, and still was. But the only band member who had ever seen me cry was Kendall. Oh god…Kendall. He was the reason I had been crying in the first place. I just…I didn't know what to think at this point and broke down, sobs racking my chest and hurting my ribs and heart. And suddenly I felt Logan wrap his arms around me as he whispered supposedly calming words in my ears as Carlos started yelling for Kendall. Even though Kendall was the last person I wanted to see right now. I heard his voice on the other side of the room, stopping and muttering a simple 'oh god' as he raced toward me.

I hardly felt him push Logan away softly and sit next to me, pulling me onto his lap and wrapping his arms around me after burrowing my head between his neck and shoulder. I'm broken down completely now, sobbing and screaming at him, asking why he did this to me. Yet through everything he kept rubbing calming circles in my back and waited until my voice was raw and I could hardly talk, let alone scream to whisper calming words in my ear, his hot breath making me shudder as I clung to him, hiding from the world, from the worried eyes of my friends, from everything. Everything except Kendall. The one I wanted to hide from most. I felt the tears on my cheeks drying and realized I wasn't crying anymore as my breathing slowly, so slowly evened out and returned to a normal pace. Kendall was still holding me against him and rubbing my back just how he always had when we were kids…realizing this, I almost started crying again but held back. "James, are you alright now?" I shook my head. "Are you at least done crying?" His voice was quiet, soothing, and anything but mean. After a moment of hesitation, I nodded. "James…Jamie…please, tell me what's wrong. What happened?" I breathed in shakily and shook my head. The hand that had been rubbing my back stopped. "It was because of me, wasn't it?"

I stalled for a moment and looked down, realizing I was still seated on his lap. "Aren't I heavy? I should probably move…" I attempted to get up, to move away, to leave him behind and race out, knowing I could easily outrun him, but I forgot that he was stronger than me. I realized this right as he grabbed me roughly around my waist and held me in place. "No! Just let me go already!" I tore myself away from him and ran off, feeling sick to my stomach as I raced to the bedroom I shared with Carlos. Who knew being lovesick could actually make you sick?

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(Kendall POV)

Carlos, Logan, and I watched as James ran off, Carlos still glued to the spot he had been in for over an hour now and Logan pacing across the living room. "Dammit, Kendall!" Carlos and I both winced at Logan's yelling of the cuss word. We never expected him, being the most pacifistic out of all of us, to cuss, especially not at one of us. He turned and glared at me. "What the hell? Do you realize how bad of a shape James is in right now? He didn't even realize he was crying until he broke down!" I looked away from those angry brown eyes, the distrust lodged deep inside them, the disappointment… "And no one will tell us why this is happening! All we know is that it has something to do with you! Do we not deserve to know?"

That's right…they didn't know that James and I had been dating behind their backs since we were in junior high. Or that I had broken up with him to start going out with Jayla, my latest girlfriend after Jo left. I sighed softly and stared back up into those eyes. "I hurt him, badly." It wasn't a total lie, just not the full truth either. How could I tell him that James and I had been going behind his back for all those years?

"That's all you have to say?" He was yelling again. "I've seen James get hurt before and he has never ONCE cried in front of Carlos or me! So whatever you did must've been pretty damn bad!" I glanced over to see Carlos nodding sorrowfully and looking toward the door to his shared bedroom with James. "Kendall, please, just talk to us."

I took a long look at Logan and sighed. "Back in 7th grade, James and I started dating. At first we though it would be a phase but…we never outgrew each other. We were dating for the longest time and by the time I started dating Jo, it was mainly to use her as a cover. But a few weeks ago, I broke up with James and started dating Jayla." Jayla, the one girl here James couldn't stand since the day she moved in. All three of us knew he hated her with a deep, burning passion that until then I thought he saved for bullies and well…our relationship, but that was a different kind of passion. Logan and Carlos were both watching me intently as I stared at the floor. "We would have let you guys know but…James was scared. And I couldn't very well do anything that made him uncomfortable, now could I?"

"James was…scared?" Logan's voice was incredulous as he stared at me, finally stopping his pacing. Carlos shifted nervously on the other side of the couch. "Why would he be scared?"

"He was afraid that if we came out, people would start treating us differently, you know, like we weren't the same people. Of course, I knew better and tried to convince him of that, but you know how he gets." I chuckle softly and look over to his door. "It's one of the many, many things that make him cute."

There was an awkward silence in the room, you know, the one where you can tell that there's a question that needs to get asked, but everyone's just too afraid to ask it? Yeah, that one. We sat there in that silence for what seemed like forever before Carlos spoke up. "Why…you love James so much, so why did you break up with him?"

"That's…an answer I can't give you."

"Do you not know, or are you just not going to tell us?" Logan's voice was stern as he turned on me, eyes narrowing slightly. "We need to know, Kendall. Don't you think we deserve to know why you broke his heart?"

I glanced around again. Logan was still glaring at me and Carlos was staring intently. What am I supposed to do? I couldn't tell them but…I felt like I had to. What kind of friend would I be if I kept it from them? I suppose I had been taking too long trying to figure out what to do because Carlos sighed and looked back towards his bedroom. "Tell me this…" I was surprised at how serious his voice sounded when he said that. "Do you still love him?"

"What a thing to ask, Carlos." I looked back toward the closed door. "Of course I love him. He's…he's my everything."

"Then tell him so!" I glanced up to see Carlos jump from his seat and throw his helmet on, grinning like a madman. "I've got a plan!" Oh god…

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(Later that night)

"How did I let you talk me into doing this again?" I glared at the bouquet of roses in my left hand and the acoustic guitar in my right hand then over at Carlos. His plan included me serenading James and then giving him flowers to try to win him back. Logan, being the romantic he is, decided on red roses and had me write a sweet song that expressed how I feel. I really would've preferred to do an acoustic version of Boyfriend, but no, they wouldn't let me. Of course not. When I didn't receive an answer from Carlos, I switched my glare over to Logan, who grinned sheepishly.

Neither answered, of course, and pushed me toward the closed door to James's bedroom. I stumbled a bit and stopped in front of the door, taking a deep breath to prepare myself before slowly opening it, finding the room in complete darkness and James lying under his covers on his bed. I stop for a moment. I couldn't believe this. Not only had he been crying, but now he was trying to hide his beautiful self from a world that in all honesty didn't deserve him…but then again, here I was trying to win him over and I sure as hell didn't deserve him either, especially after what I had done to him. It was hypocritical of me.

I took another deep breath and hid the roses behind me on Carlos's bed as I sat down, noting how lucky it was that James hadn't noticed me yet, and strummed the intro to his song on my guitar. He sat up and looked at me, the moonlight filtering in through the window casting a soft glow on his face, showing his puffy red eyes and tear streaked cheeks. Now filled with all the emotions churning inside me, love, regret, sadness, anger…I start singing, my voice filling the still air of the room.

_A rose a day_

_To keep hatred away_

_You know my dear_

_I will make it clear_

_I love you_

_It's something I'll always do_

_So don't walk away_

_Now I'm here to stay_

_I love you_

_I need you_

_I'm sorry_

_I don't know what else to do_

_But apologize_

_Cuz I miss you_

_I've always loved you_

_And I hope you forgive me_

_I don't want you to cry_

_So please just remember_

_I'll always love you_

He looks up and stares at me with wonder in his eyes and an expression asking why I left him if I felt like that. I smile and pull the roses out from behind my back, handing them to him. "I will love you until the last rose dies." He cracks a grin and takes them. "And yes, one rose is fake." He smiles up at me and I smile back, setting my guitar down gently and leaning over, setting one hand on the back of his neck and pulling him forward until our lips met in a chaste kiss. "James Diamond…you are my everything."


End file.
